OUT OF CONFUSION

I was saved when I was 16 through the preaching of Billy Graham over the television. I didn’t understand anything of what happened to me, but I prayed as Mr. Graham said. Shortly afterward, I ran away from my home in Missouri, to Florida with a friend. We lived in Florida, and of course this was a chance to live how we wanted. But every time I tried to do the things I normally would enjoy, there was an emptiness within. They no longer were enjoyable. My friend soon left to go back home, finding me quite dull now. After 10 months in Florida, one day I prayed for the Lord to help me, and I had the distinct sense within to go back home, finish school, and serve God, whatever that meant.

Back home I joined a Christian group, and began to realize some of what my salvation meant. However, this group did believe you could lose your salvation, and this became a real terror to me, because sin still seemed to have a good hold on my life. Some things had dropped off like old leaves, but other things seemed to hold on firmly.

Soon I met some young Christian brothers from school who began to help me trust what the Bible had to say and I began to realize that there are many teachings that are not solidly based on the Word of God. One Christian friend also pointed out that as sons we are eternally related to the Father. No matter what you do, you are still a son, although you will be disciplined, but as a son. This helped end my fear of losing my salvation, mostly because of the promises in the Word concerning this matter (John 5:24; 1 John 5:12-13). Later, thru the ministry of Watchman Nee and Witness Lee, I began to realize my relationship as a son of God, and this was to change my whole Christian living.

Because of my sinful problems and lack of proper living, even though I sought it constantly, I became thoroughly discouraged with the ethics of trying to be a Christian. I came to the conclusion that to live as the Bible says is impossible. Then one day I read The Normal Christian Life by Watchman Nee, and I found out that my trying was the problem, and that I could simply rely on Christ’s wonderful, holy, righteous life, to operate in me and through me. Watchman Nee pointed out that sins are dealt with by the flowing of His life, like the tenacious last leaves of autumn trees which hang on until spring and are caused to drop away by the flow of the sap in the tree. This relieved me of much confusion in my Christian life.

Eventually I read another Nee book that turned my world upside down. It was The Normal Christian Church Life. In that book I realized that God has one purpose, one will. That purpose is to regenerate a people to be His sons, and that those sons would live by His life, and express that life in oneness as His Body, the church (John 1:12, 6:57; 1 Corinthians 12:2; Ephesians 1:22-23). Through that book, and further writings of Watchman Nee and Witness Lee I clearly saw God’s thought in His Word concerning the matter of the church.

After about seven years, I found a group of believers who were willing and endeavoring to practice living in such a way. I have remained with these believers now for over 20 years and their view is still the same: if the Word says it we will practice it. They have continued to promote Christ as our life and living, not ethics or behavioral modification. There has to be a generation that brings the Lord back, and I believe that He is obtaining such at this time.

Dave Hoff

Back to Table of Testimonies